To die will be...

To die will be...

feeding_into_it

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(no subject)	[Dec. 3rd, 2005\|11:32 am]
I couldnt pickjustone tobe in so here is a list; Shitty, horrible,sad,scared,lonely,nervous,contumplative,worthless,alone,really just not right. I havent felt this bad about myself since,well fuck I don't remeber. I am not ok right now...my life changed drasticaly and not for the betterI might add. I don't have anyoneto talk to about it, so if one of youhas a big heart today...or anytime soon I need someoneto talk to, reall bad. Ihave been in tears for like 72 hours now. I need help.
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The best post I will ever write...

[Jun. 24th, 2005|11:06 am]

[	mood	\|	contemplative	]
[	music	\|	California Dreamin'-mamma's and pappa's	]

                   (this song says it all)
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:

Because I knew you:

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled Like a ship blown
From orbit as it Off it's mooring
Passes a sun, like By a wind off the
A stream that meets Sea, like a seed
A boulder, half-way Dropped by a
Through the wood Bird in the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better?

And because I knew you:

Because I knew you

Because I knew you:
I have been changed for good.

I have something to say... I want to,firstof all, to say I'm sorry. I'm just plain sorry.   I have been a bitch, and I figured out some stuff, and the besttimes of life have been with you guys. I'm sorry for everything I did to everyone, I'm sure most of you are over it, and have moved on completly but i have not. I have been thinking about you all latly and I hate not being friends. You are amaizing,awsome,funny,beautiful l people and I want you to know thats how I feel. Despite my ignorance and stupidity I havnt fogotten the memories, or the way it used to be. I get really sad when I read all the posts, not being apart of the fun any more, not being apart of the memories hurts. Some of you dont care about htis apology, but I hpoe the ones I was closest to so. Becasue you guys are still really importnant to me. Ask anyone I talk to now, and they will tell you, you guys are a ll I talk about. Cuz it's summer, and last summer was one to never forget. I cant help but wonder who still cares about me, but Im here to say I still care about you. I'm not proud of what I did, nor am I happy about what I did. I just want you to know; I miss you. ALL OF YOU!!! everyone I hung out with, or made memories with. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU IS AWSOME! I'm not here to make anybody feel bad, or get anyone's pitty, I just want to make it clear that no matter how I acted, no matter what I have said to anyone, I take it back. I retract all perviously stated mean things.   I miss you all and still love you with all my heart. I know i have written many of these type of things, but this one is for real. I hope you take this heart, and very seriously. I do think about you guys all the time, and wonder about what your doing. I just want everyone to understand where I am comming from, when I say I'm sorry. just know that I love you, and I am always here, as the old friend, or whatever you want me to be.   Just remeber this song and this post, and that I love and miss you, whoever you are. Because I promise I love you and miss you, and think about you, no matter who the hell you are, I guarentee I thiank about you too. Say something, anything, if you want to. It will be greatly appreciated. In short, I'm sorry to everyone, I miss you everyone, and I love you everyone.
                                                With great feeling and gratitude,
                                                                   J.J.

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